In this article, in addition to considering sexuality as an important component of close relationships, we will also examine its importance in romantic relationships. Sexuality can be experienced not only in romantic relationships but also individually or through casual relationships. We are also aware that there are romantic relationships that do not involve sexual activity.

From an evolutionary perspective, sexuality is of critical importance for the survival of our species. Research has shown that sexuality plays an important role in the formation and maintenance of romantic bonds among adults. For example, brain imaging studies show that similar brain regions are active during romantic love and sexual desire. This situation reveals how intertwined sexual desire and love can be.

Unlike animals, humans generally prefer to have sex in secret and then sleep together. Most mammals prefer face-to-face positions outside of traditional sexual positions. Such positions allow partners to look into each other’s eyes during intercourse. This simple interaction can contribute to the strengthening of the bond between partners. Additionally, these positions provide belly-to-belly (ventro-ventral) contact. Research has shown that physical contact aids in the bonding process between partners. Furthermore, humans can engage in sexual activity at any stage of the menstrual cycle, not just during ovulation, which increases the positive effects of the factors discussed below.

Especially at the beginning of a relationship, our brain’s reward system (dopaminergic system) responds to even the smallest details about our partners, prompting us to get closer to them physically. Any stimulus we think we will enjoy, such as a delicious dessert, can trigger dopamine production in our brain. While physical contact is a reward in itself, being physically close to the same person on a regular basis can help us bond more with our partner over time.

We know that sexual activity, especially orgasm, activates the dopaminergic system, causing the release of endorphins and oxytocin. So, what does this mean? Endorphins are part of the opioidergic system, another reward pathway that has relaxing and calming effects. This makes us feel content and peaceful. Therefore, they strengthen our bond with our partner not only because they excite us but also because they provide relaxation and peace. Now let’s come to the role oxytocin plays here. Unfortunately, the reward systems in our brain get used to these rewards over time, causing us to experience less pleasure. However, oxytocin makes sex more rewarding by making the dopaminergic system more sensitive. It also slows down the adaptation process of the dopaminergic and opioidergic systems.

Other benefits of oxytocin cannot be ignored. Oxytocin plays an important role in the bonding process. The release of oxytocin increases our sense of attachment, strengthens our trust in others, and makes positive memories more permanent in our memory. This can cause us to idealize our partner. Close physical contact such as hugging, caressing, intercourse, or orgasm triggers the release of oxytocin. Oxytocin and endorphins are the main reasons for the feeling of relaxation felt after intercourse. Therefore, it is not a negative situation for partners to fall asleep after intercourse. On the contrary, it is a strong sign that the situation is satisfying and comforting. It is clear that sexuality plays an important role in the beginning and continuation of a relationship. Sexual desire is more intense in the early stages of a relationship. After approximately two years of romantic attachment, sexual desire between partners may decrease. This decrease may be experienced differently by each couple, but it is a completely natural process.

In conclusion, sexuality plays a critical role in strengthening romantic bonds, both at the beginning of a relationship and in the long term. This dynamic, which changes over time due to the nature of relationships, contributes to the deepening of the bond between the couple and to the establishment of the relationship on a more solid foundation. Therefore, understanding the place of sexuality in romantic relationships may be the key to having a healthier and more satisfying relationship.

References:

• Birnbaum, G. E. (2014). Sexy building blocks: The contribution of the sexual system to attachment formation and maintenance. In M. Mikulincer & P. R. Shaver (Eds.), Mechanisms of social connection: From brain to group (pp. 315-332). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.

• Diamond, L. M. & Dickenson, J. (2012). The neuroimaging of love and desire: Review and future directions. Clinical Neuropsychiatry, 9, 39-46.

• Hazan, C., & Zeifman, D. (1994). Sex and the psychological tether. In K. Bartholomew & D. Perlman (Eds.), Advances in personal relationships: Vol. 5. Attachment processes in adulthood (pp. 151-177). London: Jessica Kingsley.

• Insel, T. R. (1992). Oxytocin – a neuropeptide for affiliation: Evidence from behavioral, receptor autoradiographic, and comparative studies. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 17, 3-35.